Flashy Wings Ministry

                                             Discover the queen in you



                                                    Are You Contemplating Divorce?

A lot of couples that are thinking of ending their marriage do not sit down to ask themselves questions or have reality checks. More often, most people who end up divorcing their spouse do so as a result of emotions and how they feel at the time. Are you going through a rough time in your marriage and you feel that the only way is to opt out? Here are some questions you might have to answer to help you check your thoughts.

Have you looked at the bigger picture? – In many cases when couples are moving towards divorce, they do not really think about the damages or the realities before them. The only craving is to end the marriage. Do you know that divorce can affect up to three generations? That’s because it destroys the family structure and becomes a cycle. Do you know that many researchers have shown that eighty percent of divorced and remarried people were much happier in their first marriage? Can you understand that most children from a broken home grow up to have serious issues? Do you know that most divorced couples expose their kids to all sorts of danger i.e. abuse, rejection, instability, etc.? Are you aware of the fact that divorced women are more vulnerable to dodgy men? Do you know that divorce can lead to severe health conditions and depression? Are you aware of the possibility that divorce can lead to serious financial hardship? The list is endless. Most people take this decision without knowing what they are bargaining for. Couples should be humble enough to put all selfishness aside and save their marriage. “Working on a marriage is affordable and rewarding; divorce is very expensive and destructive”.

Will the divorce really grant you peace? – I do understand that some people are in a very bad marriage and they feel that the only way out is ending it. Nevertheless, nothing is impossible for God. A good number of couples that end their marriage in divorce do not put a hundred percent effort in trying to resolve their differences. They just want to run away from the marital crises, believing that there is solace elsewhere. Contrary to this view, divorce is just the beginning of some people’s nightmare. There is no marriage without trying. It is unrealistic and delusional to think that there is a perfect marriage without challenges. Some couples think that peace is an automatic thing. They do not know that the way of peace is a process that needs to be developed in every relationship. Marriage is like an investment: it is what you put in that will determine your returns. Some couples invest unhappiness and except to yield happiness. That is unnatural. “What you sow is what you will reap.” Most couples contemplating divorce are just not investing value in their marriages. If they can only pause and have a change of mind to invest love, they will be surprised at how things can turn around for the best.

Is it wise to leave what you can guarantee for what you can’t guarantee? - It is true that when people get married their weaknesses and shortcomings become obvious. Some couples are in for the shock of their lives after their honeymoon. While some are ready to trim the rough edges, others will be thinking of running away. The funny aspect is that many people leaving their marriage in search of someone better are taking this uncertain step with unknown probability; how unwise. Your spouse might be lazy, arrogant, selfish, rude, etc. But at least you know. The best thing is to work on all those odds. Some people see their spouse’s imperfections and do not see their own. You might leave a lazy spouse and end up meeting a wicked spouse. Before you close that door, please try your best. There is no magic to a happy marriage. It depends on the two people involved and how willing and ready they are to make things work.

Are you depending on your emotions to make this decision? - Emotions can be one of a person’s greatest enemy. An emotion fluctuates and is very unreliable. It makes someone take a drastic decision without thinking of the repercussions. In every marriage, there is a good deal of emotions running around. That explains why one minute couples are in love, another minute they are out of love. Emotions can actually exaggerate one’s feelings, whether negative or positive. A great number of couples contemplating divorce have allowed their emotions to exaggerate problems so that they see their situation as being beyond repair. Don’t let your emotions rule you. An emotion can prove to be a thorn in a person’s flesh. Many couples who have allowed their emotions to control them have ended up losing more than what they bargained for. Don’t let emotions direct your marriage. Rather, let your marriage be controlled by the Spirit of God and your commitment.

What are your personal contributions to save the marriage?When some couples are contemplating divorce there is a lot of blame games, complaining upon complaining. Most times, the couples start trying to pull their marriage down, making things difficult for each other to justify why there is a need for a divorce. When couples want to end their marriage, the last thing on their mind is to save it. They even despise wise advice to give the marriage a chance. They just feel they are fed up and can no longer take it anymore. If couples try, and are willing to forgive over and over again, they can succeed.

Are you doing the right thing? - There is a big difference between ‘I am very sure’ or ‘I think I am sure’. Once you add the word THINK it becomes something of chance. I do agree that a few couples might need separation to reflect on their marriage. In some cases, they make a comeback and have a stronger marriage. Divorce might not be what the marriage needs. It might take some little flavour (romance, holiday, praying, communication, etc.) to bring the marriage back to its freshness. Instead of couples exploring such options, they focus on each other’s inabilities so that divorce becomes their freedom pass. Many couples that end their marriage in divorce did not make the right decisions. They just allowed their cravings for escape to becloud them. If only couples can do the right things, there will be more appreciation for the marriage.

Have you taken time out to pray? – A good number of couples divorcing have not really involved God in their problems. Some people reading this article might ask, “What has God got to do with this?” The answer is: everything. Marriage is an institution designed by God. That is why people get God involved in the joining process. Unfortunately, most couples do not involve God when they want to end their marriage prematurely. God does not intend for anyone to carry their burdens all by themselves. He wants couples to summit to His will and He will show them the way to marital fulfillment. Subsequently, many couples are trying to deal with their marriage problems by their own efforts. That is why they are crashing under the weight. If you are tired of your marital problems and you want to quit, please, before you do that, take time out on a spiritual journey. Ask God, “What do I do? What step should I take?” You will be astonished how much light God will bring to all darkness. Don’t give up without seeking God; it is a big mistake.

                                            Queen Ekuerhare

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